


Enough for me

by StarCrossedArtist



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarCrossedArtist/pseuds/StarCrossedArtist
Summary: Things with Jamie were going wonderful. Dani loved her with ever fiber of her being, but she cant shake the cold feeling of guilt.Or: Jamie and Dani have an important talk.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 5
Kudos: 129





	Enough for me

**Author's Note:**

> All right friends, this is my first fanfiction ever, so go easy on me - Also, English is not my first language, so excuse any mistakes.
> 
> I watched THOBM and couldn't stop thinking about Dani and Jamie, so I tried to write it out. Enjoy! And please, let me know what you think about this!

The rain was beating softly against the windows of their flat, filling the silence that came with the night. The soft, warm light from the street lamp outside illuminates the pictures on their fridge next to the window. Pictures that show the life that they had built together, filled with sound and love.

They are currently laying on their couch, cuddled together, watching a movie Dani has lost interest in a long time ago. And Jamie, being her attentive self, noticed. Just as she noticed how Dani was seeming to pull away from her during the last couple weeks. She noticed how her eyes always had a deep sadness to them, and how strong Dani’s grip on her shirt has become at night, when she was laying in her arms, choosing to soak up every moment with her wife over actual sleep. It started to worry her. She feared that maybe their time is coming to an end way sooner than she anticipated, and that Dani could sense it. Or that maybe, Dani was becoming restless, wanting more from the time she has left, more than Jamie can offer her - But what scared her the most was that whatever it was that was tormenting her wife, she tried to face it alone.

She couldn’t bare it anymore. With a sad sigh, prepared for the worst, she spoke out into their dark flat: “We’ve been together quite some time, Poppins – so you don’t have to pretend that everything is fine, you know?”. As if Dani suddenly became aware of the distance she unconsciously started to put between her and Jamie, she snuggled closer, in a last ditch effort to uphold her façade. With a comically unbothered voice, she responded: “Everything’s fine. You might even say it’s ‘perfectly splendid’.”; she joked, but the strained smile didn’t reach her tired eyes, and she knew, that Dani, her sweet Dani, didn’t believe any of it.

The gardener knew now for sure that her intuition was right. “Don’t do that Dani. Tell me. I drink your horrible coffee every morning and haven’t left you yet, so there’s literally nothing that will make me leav-“ “ _How do you not resent me yet_?”

A question that has been nagging at Dani every since she accepted Jamie`s offer of company seven years ago. A guilt that has become louder and louder, growing alongside the realization that one day, she will not be able to outrun the curse. On that fateful day in Bly Manor, by uttering “ _it’s me, it’s you, is us_ ”, she cursed herself. She cursed herself and put an expiration date on their happiness. A happiness that now will always be overshadowed with the dread of knowing that their time together could end at anytime. And with time, Dani realized that Jamie _cursed herself too_. But the words that sealed Jamie’s fate were not the same she used, and her curse was not the Lady in the Lake – her curse was Dani, and she has brought that curse upon herself by asking “ _do you want company?_ ”. The consequences of their words however, were the same. Dani was sure that with this simply question, and by choosing her, Jamie had given up on her chance of happiness, an happy ever after. And once she leaves, Jamie will understand what she has done, what she has missed out on, and she will certainly resent Dani for it.

Ever since Dani realized that, a cold guilt has overtaken her heart – how could she possibly be this selfish? How could she expect Jamie to stay with her, and suffer trough the uncertainty that every day brings? Dani cant keep Jamie around to wait till they would be finally torn apart by a force that is so merciless in its indifference to their love. She simply cant do that, because she loves her _too much_. She cant keep the love of her life, the woman who has already suffered so much loss and pain in her life, chained up in a fairy tale without a happy ending. She deserves better, deserves to built a life with somebody who will stay. Jamie deserves to _live_ – and Danie literary carries death inside of her. And during some nights, that somehow were darker than the others, she even wondered if she should set Jamie free of the burden of her love – free to start over and get her happy ever after.

And now, she asked that question in a voice so full of guild, uncertainty and pure anguish, yet so quiet. It made Jamie stop whatever she was thinking right now. “What do you mean, Poppins?”, she asked, her shock and complete obliviousness coloring her voice. Both were now sitting upright, facing each other, the movie long forgotten. “You deserve better than _this_ , Jamie. Better than a life spent waiting till I have to leave you.” Jamie was now positively panicked. She still didn’t completely understand what Dani was trying to get at, but looking at her now full on crying wife, she knew it was serious, and that it has been eating away at her for a long time. So she took Dani’s face in her hands and willed her to look into her eyes: “Darling, hey, look at me. I-I don’t understand.”.

Taking a deep breath, Dani tried to calm down enough to speak: “A-At the lake, that day, _I_ took the curse. I accepted the fate of the Lady in the Lake. _Not you_ , Jamie. One day, I will have to return. I will have to leave everything behind, and there is nothing we can do about it.”. By now, Jamie’s eyes had also started to fill with tears. Seeing how her wife wanted to interrupt her, Dani quickly resumed speaking: “It is a horrible fate, one I cant outrun. _But you can_ , Jamie. You don’t have to see me leave. And you don’t have to live with a broken heart after I do. I love you, Jamie. So, _so_ much. And no lake in this world will ever wash away that love”. Dani paused with a sad, teary smile, and in a voice barely above a whisper, she continued: “That’s why I cant ask you to suffer for me anymore than you already did. You deserve a happy ending, my love. You deserve a happy life that wont crumble to ashes one day, a day that could be tomorrow. And I cant give you that.” Dani took another deep breath an braced herself for the words that she had to utter next, words that will undoubtedly shred her heart to pieces once she says them out loud: “You could still get your happy ending, my love, but I would have to be with someone else. You’ll have to walk away before I do.” And with a voice, completely broken by the ache she felt in her now shattered heart, she added: “Don’t let me be your curse.”

Jamie started out completely confused, but as Dani continued to speak, the realization slowly dawned on her. She started to realize that Dani, _her Dani_ , the love of her live, her wife and best friend, thinks that her love is a burden on Jamie. That she somehow robbed her of a happier life. The truth is, Jamie has consciously made these decisions, knowing the consequences. She knew, that once Dani has returned to that godforsaken lake, her heart will break like it has never been broken before. But if she were to be completely honest with herself, she would have to admit that ever since she first tasted her lips on that night at the bonfire, she knew Dani was going to be worth all the heartbreak in the world.

At that, Jamie pulled Dani into her, kissing her so softly, with every ounce of love she possesses, before slowly pulling away, still holding on to the love of her life. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, love.” Jamie inhaled a deep, pained breath and looking deep into her wives eyes, she continued: “ I loved you ever since you made me terrible coffee that one morning. And every day, I fall in love with you a little bit more. Never, and I mean absolutely _never_ , could I be happy with someone else after I’ve seen what life is like with you. I loved you then, as the nervous new Au Pair, I love you now, as my wife, and when enough time has passed, and the lake has washed away the last of your memories, I will love for the both of us. No curse will take that away from us. I will remember all the years we shared, and that will be enough for me. _You_ are enough for me.”

Now it was Dani who pulled her wife in for a kiss – a kiss filled with love and something that feels an awfully lot like hope. “I just wish your love wouldn’t cost you so much.”, she whispered against Jamie’s lips, with closed eyes and still quietly crying, but a lot calmer. Jamie pulled away slightly, so that she could look into Dani’s eyes. “Your love is not a curse, Dani. It is one of the purest things in this horrible world, and every night, I thank whatever gods there might be for the chance to love you back, even if its for just one more day.”

And with these words, Dani was finally able to let go of the grappling, icy fear that has possessed her heart, though she and Jamie know that I will probably take some time and some more assurance for her to fully accept the truth: She was worth it for Jamie. Her wife has chosen her, she has chosen to stay by her side and love her till the very end. And they are fine with that, because they have at least one more day to do just that. Later that night, as she lays awake, soaking in the love of the woman who’s arms are wrapped around her, Dani thinks that she may not be as terrified of going back as she previously was, because she knows that she will forever live on in the memories of the woman she loves the most. And that will be more than enough for her.


End file.
